if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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