I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
third nipple confirmed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
