No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I died a long time ago.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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