with your own penis?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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