Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
