Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
