Tell her she can't have a vagina
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize