yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
