My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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