Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
