U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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