I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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