i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
