Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
