Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
