i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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