Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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