Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
