I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
