I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
