apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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