when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
