Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
