I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish there were birth control emojis
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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