I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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