just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
