She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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