He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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