So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
