John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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