Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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