Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
