at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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