i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
