I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
