I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
