Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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