the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
