So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I skipped work to stalk him.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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