im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
