now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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