the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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