So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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