my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
