What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
