just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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