I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
