Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
