someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You don't make any sense
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