if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize