I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
