I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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