i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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