i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
