everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
