The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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