Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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