One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
