if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
