I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The struggles of a small town man whore
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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