She's JV to your varsity
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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